Half way through week 5

I’m much brighter this week. Feeling much more human. I’m driving again, getting out and about and have slowly stared my return to work. 

I’d be lying if I said I felt normal. I don’t. I’m still sore, a bit prickly as the superficial stitches dissolve. The scar is feeling good, still a bit raised but I’m still applying lavender oil daily. I’ve really noticed when I walk for an hour or so or stand for long periods of time I get the achy feeling. If I over do it, my lady bits ache and pull and my hips hurt. 

I’ve spent a lot of time sat on my bum, sewing to pass the time with bits of admin on my lap top. I’ve finished off four cross stitch projects which were well overdue and even caught up on a few box sets !

I can not believe what a difference this operation has made to me on a day to day basis. While I’m still taking softners to avoid straining, I do seem to be able to just go to the loo when I need to ! Like actually sit down, poop, clean, flush, wash n leave ! Like a regular person ! Sounds silly doesn’t it but after nearly four years of having to plan my toilet arrangements I’m pretty pleased.

I had my check up with my surgeon who said “if I do say so myself it’s looking rather good down there” clearly a fan of her own work or just my vagina, or both ! I am relieved if I’m honest, having never paid too much attention to how I looked down there before kids, I wasn’t exactly sure what’s normal and what isn’t, so as I’ve been healing I look occasionally and then find myself questioning is this normal or that. 

So while I still can’t ‘exercise’ I can start to strengthen and connect to my pelvic floor muscles. I’m using the purposeful exhale and gentle movements to reconnect and improve tension in the tissues. I’m still not lifting anything ! But I am more active day to day. 

Two more weeks and then I can actually exercise. Swim, Hypopressives, get to the gym and up the walking. All without going too crazy and being mindful that I am still healing and will be for some months yet. 

Generally I’m doing good. I’m being kind to myself, not pushing too hard and enjoying all the stitching time ! 

Four weeks post op

Tomorrow I’ll be four weeks post op. I’m still bleeding. I haven’t really stopped bleeding. I’m exhausted ! I guess four weeks of blood loss is taking its toll. 

I’m convinced the repair has failed. It looks like a sodding car crash again but trying to see an actual surgeon is proving about as tricky as getting tickets to the royal wedding ! 

I know this is a negative post but I’m feeling rubbish. I was so excited to be starting new classes and get back on it in January and I’ve grossly underestimated my recovery. I’m not even driving so I’ve had to cancel my plans for most of this week. I guess as a regular worker (not self employed) I’d be signed off for 6-8 weeks so trying to get back to work in half that may have been ambitious but I’m behaving and doing nothing and believe me it’s driving me sodding NUTS !!!!

Physically things are improving. I did 2 laps around the park a few days ago and I made it around Asda for a quick shop without nearly feinting ! My neighbours have been amazing. Taking my dog out a lot and even letting her wait in their house for me to return from a friends place. 

I’m so tired. I feel knackered. I guess that’s all the bleeding. I’m pretty fed up if I’m honest. As a usually active person forced into inactivity I’m pretty pissed off. I’m beginning to wish I’d never had this operation done.