It’s frustrating to say the least that I have to be inactive. I say inactive but I mean not walking to clear my head, not keeping on top of my housework, not able to pick up my son to cuddle him and not walking my dog. I know this surgery is a means to an end but I’m so fed up of being stuck in. I can’t drive, I can’t sit as a passenger for any longer than a few minutes so can’t go anywhere and I can t walk any distance. Thank goodness for needlecraft and Netflix !!!!
Christmas Day was nice. Hard to let others cook for me etc but nice. My kids loved their gifts. I was in bed pretty early though as even sitting in the lounge is hard. I get achy heavy feeling in my bits and that goes away when I lay down.
I have managed a couple of really short walks around my local park. Only 15 to 20 mins or so. It was so lovely to be out in the fresh air. Felt so good. But I was exhausted afterwards and needed a nap !
Yesterday was a different matter. I woke up feeling fabulous. Full of energy and everyone went out for a few hours to leave me to rest... I actually plodded upstairs, had a shower, put away all the clean clothes from the ‘floordrobe ‘ and decided it would be a good idea to reorganise this end of my wardrobe. now I should have stopped there, my tummy was aching, I could feel a heaviness and instead when my friend turned up, I decided with an extra set of hands around it would be a good idea to move my fish tank. We needed to but this involved me moving some boxes etc...
When I went to the loo some moments later, I was bleeding again. Having stoped a few days ago this worried me so I gave the women’s health ward a call. Advice, monitor the bleeding and rest. By the morning the bleeding had eased but this rest bollocks is proving hard.
I still feel like I’ve been kicked in the lady garden with welly boots. I’m still making good use of my peri bottle. I feel like I weigh about a thousand pounds. All this eating and not moving ...
It’s temporary. It’s temporary. That’s what I MUST remember and how worried I was yesterday when I thought I’d seriously hurt myself or undone my surgery.
So when you actually look at what’s happened, it makes a lot of sense why it’s all so delicate ...
This is the repair to the perineum (above) and below is the rectocele repair.
Basically a vajayjay full of stitches and swollen tissue. Thank goodness for painkillers !
29/12
I'm adding a bit on today as i've had to pop into hospital. Following my doing too much, i did stop bleeding but the pain didn't go away and it got worse so i called the ward this morning. They asked me to come in to see the doctor who has swabbed me, poked and prodded me, checked my urine and put a speculum YES A SPECULUM in my healing lady bits, OUCHHHHH ! Anyway, i have an infection so it was worth listening to my body and going in.
Needless to say, since the examination, i've been bleeding again and a little sore. So i've popped some pills and rested up. I did go for a short walk with my neighbour earlier and discuss the joys of being a woman and the sheer lack of dignity with these procedures. Seems like no matter who you talk to they want to know what you've had done.. If i reply with a 'Posterior Rectocele and Perineoplasty' people screw their noses up and say what?!? Or if i say 'well, my son did a little damage as he was born so i've had a fix' people then want to know more, oh what did he do, have you got stitches etc. If you say the word 'Prolapse' people look like they're going to be sick or they make really helpful comments like 'oh my dog had that, its bum was falling out' well thank you for that comparison.
I’m going to rant because I’m fed up and frustrated. I got brave today and asked for help. It takes a lot for me to ask for help. I hate showing I’m not managing. My bathroom is filthy, it’s not been cleaned in 2 weeks. My shower room the same. The floors need hoovering again and my poor husband is exhausted. He’s lifting everything for me, he’s looking after the little one. He’s cooking, doing all the laundry, changing beds etc etc etc the poor chap hasn’t had a break. So I ask for help and my plea is totally ignored. No response at all, not even I’m sorry I’m too busy. Rude! I feel awful this is all falling on hubbys shoulders and with my confidence now low. I don’t feel there is anyone else I can ask at such a busy time of year.
3/1
First day back to preschool following a two week break and it’s a nightmare ! Some kids get super excited but mine melts down with changes of routine and did not want to go back in. I swear I can see my husband getting new grey hairs by the day. Surely things can only get better from here though?
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