I’d be lying if I said the surgery hasn’t affected me emotionally or that I’m totally recovered.
The scar is still raised, sore and pinching. There’s work to be done there for sure. Penetration seems to be a while away yet :( still there are more fun and games which can be indulged in the meanwhile !
Emotionally, it’s tough! I think there is a lot to be said for tissue trauma in that area of the body. So close to ovaries and womb, so close to my female epicentre ! Somewhat making me feel vulnerable and not all together a woman at the moment.
Someone posted a great question in a forum asking what was the ‘moment’ when you decided Surgery was the option for you. It’s hard to pin point one single thing as so many aspects of living with a rectocele is life limiting and challenging but, I think by far there was a moment which doesn’t escape my mind... during intercourse with my husband. I’ll spare you the details but it was probably one of the most upsetting moments in the history of our 15 years of marriage. Feelings of shame, disgust, embarrassment and upset. Never again did I want to feel that way.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s plenty more moments I could list where I lost continence or ended up in a mess but, this involved my husband and he saw my body fail me.
Apologises for the glum post but I did promise that this blog would be true and honest in all its highs and lows.